Sunday, March 23, 2008

In a Battle

Dear All,

I've attended a wedding two weeks in a row (Apologise for not blogging for a while... i thought of penning down my thoughts today, coz Malay custom, both the bride & bridegroom side got their own 'bersanding'). Anyway congratulations to Rafique & Kak Wati, coz they're the newly weds.

Currently i'm not in the mood to blog, coz i'm stuck in a spiritual war fare, which i never thought would ever happen in my life. I was born & bred as a Christian... now i'm stuck, coz my love one wants to be a Muslim so much, i respect his believes, and also try to understand. Last Friday he broke the news to my mom through an email, and i knew something bad was going to happen. You see, my mom is a staunch Catholic... she will never expect one day, one of her children will be a muslim. Well if u get what i mean, if my bf were to convert, i would eventually have too, if i would some day want to get married with him - which is one of my dreams.

But things are turning up for the worse, mom's asking me, whether i would still want to continue this relationship or not? It's a tough question, how am i suppose to answer without hurtin both parties. God! i'm living in a hell hole now... i don't like going through this, why is it, just to be with someone u love, you have to go through 'shit' (excuse me for my vulgarness, but i'm at my peak of patience).

I want to please both side's, but if both sides are pulling me on each end, i think i'll be torn into pieces. Why can't people just learn to compromise, at least there'll be some peace in this world. Aaaaaarrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh i feel like killing myself. Or can someone just sponsor me to a long holiday... where i can just be alone... and not hear what other people have to say abt my believes. At the end of the day i'm only worshipping God, Allah, Yahweh.... they're all the same it's just how you call 'Him' in different languages.

I've been through this for the past 3 days... i hope it does not continue on and on. Coz i need to concentrate in my work, and also my upcoming performance with Breakthru, this coming Saturday (on the 29/03/2008), not forgetting it's an International Bowling Event. Sigh.. anyone who had been reading this blog.. i thank u so much for 'listening' what i have to go through. I always have this believe, that if you really love someone, go all out... coz God knows how much you love them, and he also knows how much the other person loves you. Believe in 'HIM' and only him... but sad to say.... i think i'm falling apart rather slowly...

I never like asking people to do things for me, but if you have the heart, all i ask is for you all to pray for me, so that there'll be an understanding and also compromise in this family, and in this bond of love that i'm in.

~God Bless~


aiwei said...

hrmm.. hang in there babe!
there is a solution to everything, don't think too negatively aites..

amethyst said...

hey mel! thanks for ur comment on my fb album! ur looking great too! stay strong and there will be a way thru it...take care! xoxo =)